As I was reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson, at a point, he made a simple but profound change in a memorable dialogue of the first installment of the movie Spiderman.
And that change brings you into the driver’s seat to get whatever you want with your life.
He noted that the last words of Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben “With great power comes great responsibility.” also holds true when turned upside down – “With great responsibility comes great power.”
In fact, the latter version is much more relatable and enriching to our daily lives as we live with our normal and boring daily lives – without the cool power of throwing webs and having the responsibility to save a city from vicious devils.
The simple twist Mark Manson made tells us that you don’t need to be blessed with great powers to become responsible. He encourages you to take responsibility from now on to be blessed with the great power that comes with it.
In other words, he advocates holding yourself responsible for everything that happens in your life even if it is not your fault. But why?
Why be responsible?
Take being responsible equivalent to rowing a boat with a rudder in the middle of a sea. If you don’t take the charge, the waves will take you along. But, if you are proactive about reaching your desired shore, you will row your boat accordingly.
Similarly, being responsible makes you proactive with what happens in your life and how you respond to various situations.
You don’t blame poor education for not being able to earn enough.
You don’t blame the government for your well-being.
You don’t blame the chaos of the world for the havoc in your life.
You are responsible for all of it.
And with that ownership, changes everything. Now, you look out for ways to solve your problems instead of cursing at some external and out-of-your-control situations.
You become a hero of your life instead a victim.
A word of caution about taking responsibility
You may be asking, “To what extent should I take this? For what exactly should I take responsibility? If I hold myself responsible for everything happening to me, won’t that make me miserable instead of a hero?”
Personal experience and Mark’s observations have shown me that people get it wrong in 3 ways:
- People taking responsibility for not even themselves. This is what I am warning you against.
- People taking too much responsibility.
- People considering being responsible means being at fault for what’s happening. Mark calls this “The Responsibility/Fault Fallacy.”
I have some people in my life who like to take the matter into their hands as if the one actually responsible for it is incompetent. They think that it is impossible to handle the matter well without their intervention.
However, what’s actually coming into play is their ego and/or need for self-validation. And it is needless to say that it drives them crazy.
First of all, just because I called you a hero for being responsible doesn’t mean that you have to address the problems of other people. It would be great to be a helping hand but you are not responsible.
Even Toby Maguire, will all his powers as Spiderman, could manage the crimes of just one city. The same is the case for Batman with Gotham. And that too after a lot of sacrifices.
So what makes you think you will come out sane taking this too far-fetched? It will be a job well done if you take responsibility for just what you truly control.
And on a personal level, you only control the choices you make at each moment and how you respond to all the joys and miseries life inevitably throws.
For example, if you hate your job, you can quit it, start seeing its positive side, or numb the pain with addiction – that’s your choice and you are responsible for what it brings.
At last, Mark also emphasizes not to consider yourself at fault for every responsibility you take. Both are different.
Did your partner hurt you by cheating on you with someone else? You are not at fault for her conduct but are responsible for how you move ahead with that relationship.
Did you hurt the feelings of your partner by cheating on her with someone else? You are at fault for your impulsiveness and are responsible for not repeating the same mistake.
Read more: How To Overcome Regret To Live A Full Life
Conclusion
Take the rudder and row towards where you want to take the boat. Or else, be okay with being at the mercy of the tides. That’s the choice you have right now and all the moments that are left for you.
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